when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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