Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
