I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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