it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
