yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
