:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
