at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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