Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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