Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
