I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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