First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
