Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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