shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
