So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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