You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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