dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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