I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
