my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
