oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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