So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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