So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
