You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
