My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
