Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just pee around me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize