I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
