I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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