i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
