just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
