Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
