so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
