So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
