my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
