im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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