It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
