Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
