my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
