Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
