I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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