I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Oh god it's open bar.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
