The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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