i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
