i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
