So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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