wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i now understand why vodka
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