How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
zippers are such a cool invention
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
