she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
