Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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