yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
