It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
