someone threw a dead crab at me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ladies don't puke and tell
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
