he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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