im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
