Plan B is the new Plan A
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
