there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize