she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he was CRYING into my vagina
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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