The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
