what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
