she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
