The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
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