So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
