gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
