I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
