Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
