Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
