THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
