Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
