Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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