Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
