Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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