jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
