I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
