Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
