You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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