So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
