the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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