If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
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