Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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